Track By Track: Lauren Dejey - 'Kali Ma'
Goldun Egg’s new signee Lauren Dejey releases her self-produced debut EP ‘Kali Ma’. The EP is a collection of songs combining sharp lyricism with contemporary Alt-Pop and Alternative RnB. She took a moment to talk to us about it track by track.
HEADACHE
‘HEADACHE’ is about how lockdown made me feel, it’s a whole mixture of emotions really. Trapped, isolated, stuck inside with my thoughts, while also cutting and dying my hair a tonne. I had to deal with some things I’d pushed down and really connect with my identity so that’s where the concept came from, of having a headache that won’t go away. If you ignore something for too long is can manifest itself physically until you deal with it.
Just Because You Said You’re Sorry Doesn’t Mean You Are
We’ve all had someone in our lives that makes us feel weak so often that we start to believe it. I’ve had enough negative people around me already that it’s sort of a fuck you anthem to them and future people. I don’t have to accept your apology if I don’t think it’s genuine, and no you can’t relieve yourself of guilt if I’m still living with the hurt. Might be brutal but it’s how I felt at the time. On the flip side I can appreciate that people that bring others down usually don’t feel great in themselves either, but I’m not the punching bag for that.
Why The?
This song started about a toxic relationship but as I was writing it, it became more about an individual stuck in a negative cycle, maybe a toxic relationship with themselves? Something like depression, anxiety, imposter syndrome and those soul sucking negative patterns that keep you trapped in a box to feed off your energy. They make themselves at home in you and fuel your negative mindset to stop you from moving forward, feeling strong and beautiful as you and that voice at the end of the song is like the personification of it all.
Like A Curse
'Like a curse’ is all about playing into the Scorpio stereotype from astrology. I love start signs but mine is usually made out to be vengeful, manipulative, ruthless, and jealous. So I thought, you know what why not be a bad bitch who will haunt you forever if you hurt her and probably poison your tea or something?
Yours
‘Yours’ is probably the most personal song I’ve written. There’s part of me that wants to let people take this song and let it be what it will be to them. The other part knows I definitely wrote it for myself as a form of therapy. For me it’s about taking back power after someone deeply hurts you in a way you could never see coming, reclaiming my body and my memories so I can stop blaming myself. I won’t let someone live in my mind, in every moment, taint every memory, I won’t be anyones. Sonically this is that journey from start to finish.
KALI MA EP
All together this EP is about releasing hurt, reclaiming power, rebuilding your identity and coming out stronger. When I found out about the Hindu Goddess Kali Ma, I was shocked at how her energy was almost exactly what I’d been working on. She’s described as destructive and evil, loving and nurturing, and it’s her duality that I found most inspiring. So I decided to name the EP after her.