Track By Track: total tommy - 'bruises'
total tommy has just released her much anticipated debut album ‘bruises’.
he last few years for Jess Holt, the Sydney-based artist better known as total tommy, have been the kind where everything turns on its head and you come out of the other side a near-unrecognisable person. Even when the change is for the better, at some point you have to take stock of the bruises you’ve accumulated and the ones you’ve left on others too. Out of this comes total tommy’s debut album, a collection of scuzzy bedroom-rock anthems appropriately titled bruises. Working alongside producer and long-time collaborator Mark Zito of Fractures - together, they kept their eyes on the dizzying and purifying energy of the live show, the environment for which total tommy was created. The album, written during a period in which she went through a breakup, moved cities, came out as queer and met her now-wife, it sees Holt’s bold, raw and witty voice on full display for the first time.
She took a moment to talk to us about it - track by track.
Adeline
Adeline is an analogy for my teenage self, and the advice I’d give her now. It’s about growing into yourself and remembering it didn’t always feel this way. This was the last song I wrote for the record, and it felt like the missing piece. It’s one of my favourites on there because I dug really deep with this one. I also co-wrote it with my wife, which was such a special experience - she’s got this way of calling out the bullshit, so if we didn’t believe in a lyric, or it could work harder, it had to go.
Losing Out
Someone I respected completely broke my trust and left me paralysed for a little while. I spent a lot of time going through the motions and feeling really thrashed about. I’d delayed writing about this time for a few months, but as soon as I started everything was super visceral and the lyrics formed in about fifteen minutes. The first day demo we had was really special because it was so raw. I didn’t want to touch it because I wasn’t sure I’d be able to replicate what we captured on that day. But then I got my friend to play live drums on the track and it lifted it to a whole other dimension. It’s my favourite song to play live, because I can rage about on the guitar and get out a lot of energy. I’m not angry anymore, but fuck that guy.
REAL
This one’s about a break up, when you realise what you’ve lost and shit gets really scary. It’s the longing and hope, and the whirlwind of emotions you go through to process what is happening. The reminiscing, the hurt, the love that stays for a while after. This song also has my favourite bridge on the record!
Girlfriend
I was very high on codeine when I wrote this, after just having my tonsils out. I didn’t have my full voice, so it was fun to have a limitation there but also a wild hyper-focus at the same time. It’s about the chemicals a new relationship brings, where you are in that love bubble and the only person you want to hang out with is your new lover.
Amsterdam
I wrote this song in London last year, and went straight from the airport to the studio after a massive night in Amsterdam. I almost missed the flight, and I was so scattered the entire session, but this song worked because we captured exactly what had happened the night before. I’d had a solo night in Amsterdam, got really high and walked around the city. I’d been alone for a few days at this point, and wasn’t really looking after myself because I was going through a bit of a low time.
SPIDER
This is my favourite song on the record! I think it’s my best writing to date, and I’m guilty of listening to this one pretty obsessively. I sat down to write one day, and there was a massive spider on the wall. It felt like an analogy for a clingy friend who I needed some space from. I just wanted to keep pushing the production heavier and heavier, and it feels so damn good to me.
Ghost
There’s something magical about Berlin and I love writing there. I hadn’t seen my friend and long-term collaborator Stef in a couple of years, and as soon as we got in the room this song came together in a few hours.
microdose
microdose really unlocked the whole sound of the record, and it felt so right to have it as the first introduction of this project. I wrote it about two friends of mine who were falling so hard for each other, but couldn’t take it any further. It was an absolute dream to have Dan Carey mix this one, he’s made some of my favourite records (Wet Leg, Fontaines DC) and having his stamp on this song has been so special.
Plus One
This song’s about sex. That is all.
SODA
This was the first song I wrote for total tommy! It’s gone through many shapes and forms as I figured out the sound of the record, but this song always fit and is always oddly comforting to me.
Ribs
A close friend of mine has been battling with anorexia for a long time, and it’s been heartbreaking to watch her go through such a hard journey. I wrote Ribs after visiting her in hospital, wishing I had the words to help.
