Album Review: Self Esteem - 'A Complicated Woman'
Self Esteem is a force to be reckoned with and once again proves why she is one of the best in game, with what could be her best album yet, A Complicated Woman.
Three years after the release of her game-changing album, Prioritise Pleasure, Self Esteem, a.k.a Rebecca Lucy Taylor is back. There is no one quite like Self Esteem, whose art is a mix of gut-felt feminism, emotional complexity, lusty humour and a deep appreciation for the power of drag. Releasing her first album, Compliments Please in 2019, and Prioritise Pleasure, which was nominated for a Brit Award and a Mercury Music Prize, in 2021, Self Esteem has been on a trajectory that has only ever been pointing up. Now, she’s set to release what could be her best album yet, A Complicated Woman, which is out this Friday, April 25th via Polydor records.
What Self Esteem is about - well, it’s in the name. Her songs have always been almost overwhelmingly empowering, moving, a hand on your shoulder in solidarity, a light in the dark. Rebecca Taylor has a gift when it comes to writing about complex emotions and her songs often feel like a form of confrontation. Accompanied by a soulful, joyful choir made up of mostly female voices, A Complicated Woman sees Taylor effortlessly exposing the complex feelings that women often keep hidden, with the unique and distinctive sound that is entirely Self Esteem.
Opening with I Do & I Don’t Care, the album is an on-the-spot goosebump raiser. The choir creates an immediate sense of overwhelming power before Taylor comes in with spoken word - “this really is all there is, and that’s the thing you’ve got to get comfy with / we’re not chasing happiness anymore girls we’re chasing nothing / the great big still, the deep blue okay, and we’re okay today”. It feels like a punch in the gut. Rebecca Lucy Taylor doing what she does best - forcing you to confront yourself head on, address and tackle emotions you probably were not even aware you were feeling - “if I’m so empowered, why am I such a coward, if I’m so strong, why am I broken.”
A Complicated Woman feels primarily about sitting, both comfortably and uncomfortably, in the natural ambivalence and uncertainty that one feels in life, which can be heard in tracks like The Deep Blue Okay, and In Plain Sight. However, it’s also an album focusing on taking control of your own life and the paths you take. The second track, which was also the first powerhouse of a single to be released off the album, Focus Is Power, is the perfect example of that. The track is joyous, soul-lifting, “You see, it wasn’t up to me but now it could be, but now I see it clear with every passing of each year, I deserve to be here…” Shared between a choir of women, lines like this become an incantation.
If Not Now, It’s Soon follows a similar theme. It’s once again the gentle hand on the shoulder, encouraging, keeping you steady. It is Self Esteem’s version of the old saying “whatever is meant for you won’t pass you by” - “whatever is right for you will guide you through.” You must persevere and push for what you want but also have the patience and the trust that it will happen. The music, the orchestral strings in the background - they are constantly building, lifting as the song progresses - the ultimate uplifting track.
A Complicated Woman is certainly not short of dance tracks - Mother, Lies, Cheers To Me and the delicious pièce de résistance 69 are all songs that will make you want to be at an underground club, or a festival with a pint in hand, sun shining. Mother, a deep house track, sheds light on how people often end up mothering their romantic partners and how draining it is: “I am not your mother /I am not your therapist.” While Cheers To Me is a pick yourself up of the floor track, a dance around with your friends, shouting it at the top of your lungs kind of pop track “let’s toast each and every fucker that made me this way / cheers to you but mostly cheers to me.”
The hilarious, ridiculously catchy 69 feels almost satirical, listing and rating various sex positions, but in true Self Esteem fashion, it is not. It’s the truth, hidden in humour. Taylor said of the track “I like the idea of clearly communicating your needs in one quick, three-minute house song. It is also political – women still are expected to cater to others sexually; I can’t hear another discussion about ‘faking it’, it upsets me too much! There’s enough inequality in the male/ female dynamic as it is. Our bodies go through so much more pain and suffering, please god let us get the pleasure where we can!” It’s nothing short of brilliant. Those who loved Chari XCX’s Guess will no doubt be a fan, and it also features the beloved Drag Queen, Meatball.
In Plain Sight, perhaps one of the most poignant tracks of the album, starts off gentle, almost hauntingly so, with Taylor’s stunning vocals accompanied by the plucking of guitar strings. Written with Moonchild Sanelly, Self Esteem’s collaborator on the 2024 standalone single Big Man, who also features on In Plain Sight, the track focuses on the criticism women face when they stand up for what they believe in in the public sphere. It’s harrowing, haunting, bone-chilling in the way that it builds. Moonchild Sanelly adds a flawless spoken word, “Scared to speak. I shrink to keep the peace / what will be of me, if I speak my mind.” A chorus of women come together for the shiver-inducing finale of the track as they scream/sing “what the fuck you want for me - in saving you, you’re killing me.”
The final track of the album, The Deep Blue Okay, which was referenced in the opening song I Do & I Don’t Care, feels like a full circle moment. It opens with a simple piano key which is repeated, fast, insistent, urgent - symbolising the importance of the track, the meaning behind it. It is vulnerable, but also pulsing with excitement, hope. Capturing the essence of the album in its entirety. As Taylor sums it up herself, “acceptance of life’s grey areas leads to a new lease on life.” The Deep Blue Okay feels like an ascension into whatever heaven is - the orchestra building and building to the grand crescendo at the end “It’s still hard out here, but fuck I’ll just keep going/ you’ll always work it out.”
Self Esteem is the definition of empowerment, and strength flows rapidly through A Complicated Woman. With this new album, Self Esteem once again makes us look inward, forces us to confront ourselves and proves that there is a fountain of strength deep within us all.
Words by Angela English
